Kid vs Kid- Do you jump in if you kid has a problem?

When J was smaller she used to be a total push over. Like everyone would cut in front of her, or they wouldn't rotate off the equipment or toy when their time was up. There was even a time a couple kids in my complex were playing and J tried to play with them but they got up and moved, twice! Then she brought out her own toys they they thought were "cool" and all of a sudden she was ok to play with. Even now she may not get the invitation to a party, or be included in dressing alike with the other girls, I've seen a kid wedge themselves in a place they don't fit to sit next to a special friend, and poof my kid is pushed out of the way.

As a parent what would you do in these situations? Would you redirect your child to something else to avoid any escalation, or stand by and watch how they handled the situation? That's what I would do mostly. If she looked at me for help I would give her some suggestions like remind them their time is up, or let the teacher know they are not paying attention. I would also remind her that not everyone is going to want to be friends and that's ok, just be polite and move on. However there are many would call the other parents and expect some sort of magical apology or action that would fix the hurt caused by pointing out that something bad has just happened. Many times the Juliana, and most kids for that matter, forgot about what happened almost immediately. Its when we remind them of the hurt they should be feeling about something that happened earlier, or when we blow things out of proportion that the child associates this action with pain and anger which then leads to kids fighting and parents having those awkward moments in the school pickup line.

Over the years J has gotten some backbone in her. Mostly because she thrives on rules. If something is supposed to go a certain way then there is no margin of error this is how it goes. Your time is up, move one, you are not playing right. Its pretty cut and dry. And there goes my new problem, this cut and dry attitude can sometimes be misinterpreted. I remind her that her actions can be perceived differently. Some children are sensitive and think she is being mean, others might feel like she may not like them. But it is frustrating when parents become overly involved causing tension between the children and families that may be aware of the situation.
Now I am not saying not to rescue your child when you see they are in over their heads. Kids need to know that Parents = Security. But to go through the 'he said she said' with another parent or play telephone (that preschool game) to let the parent know that there may be a problem is a bit childish. Let the kids handle their business!!
I know that my child can be very sensitive but I also believe I am raising her to be tough enough to handle herself if someone isn't being very nice, or if one of her peers calls her out on her behavior, and not to be wavered if she is left out of something. Its their loss, because in MY opinion she kinda rocks!



For more on letting you kids handle their business check out these articles:
http://psychcentral.com/lib/letting-your-kids-fight-their-own-battles/00012438
http://www.kidsinthehouse.com/all-parents/parenting/spoiling/what-happens-when-parents-fight-childrens-battles-them
http://www.parentdish.co.uk/kids/should-you-fight-your-childs-battles/